How to Change the way we Think: Negative thinking into Positive Thinking

"I can't, I am a  failure, I am not worthy, I am not attractive, No one will ever want me, I will never be successful, etc are just a handful of negative connotations we may have used to describe what we think about ourselves. If said repetitiously, it becomes a part of who we are as we believe these negative statements to be true. For example, a person may say "You'll never amount to anything." A negative thinker will agree and believe they will never amount to anything and that will be the end of it.  However, if we want to transition into positive thinking we must challenge this negative statement, and say " That is not true I do not see myself that way." You emphasized a point, but also deflected this external statement from becoming your reality. You are defending a negative thought and turning it into a positive thought. This further reinforces the thought not to be true, as you are in control of your thoughts, life and feelings; not other people.

When you say "I can't do it." Ask yourself this question, Why can't you do something if you never tried to do it? If we assume and think negative before even making a conscientious effort, then it will be programmed in our minds, it cannot be done. To break out of  the negative thinking habit, replace "I can't" with "I can do it," I will do it" give yourself the benefit of the doubt before you close the door before it actually opens. The more you say "I can do it" or " I will do it" on a daily basis with conviction where it just clicks and is meaningful to you, the negative thought of "I can't" will become a distant memory. Being able to quickly combat a negative with a positive is key to a healthier and better you! Changing who you want to be can be either a easy or difficult experience, but that is dependent on how you want it to be. If you want it to be difficult, no one does that but you! If you want it to be a seamless process, it CAN be done if you WANT it to be done.

As a person who is a habitual negative thinker, I had to learn how to combat my negative thoughts into positive thinking. For example, "today is going to be a bad day I just know it." How do I know it will be bad day? Why would it be a bad day? Asking realistic questions about what the negative thought is for that moment, places things in perspective to give better judgment. It would direct you to think and be more positive. I sometimes retract into the comfort zone of thinking negative, but once I realize how it impacts and makes me feel, and question what does thinking this way do for me, it brings me back to a more positive mind set once I address the negative thought and change it right away. It is not rocket science to think positive (I sometimes make it appear to be)The biggest challenge for me is, not to look for reasons to validate my negative thinking as a legitimate excuse. No one makes me think or be negative unless I allow myself to believe that they do.

To be a more positive thinker, it starts with you changing the way you view yourself and how you want to think going forward. If there is a moment where you feel down in the dumps, think of a moment which makes you smile to uplift your spirit. Motivate yourself by saying positive mantras repeatedly to start your day. For example: " I am somebody," I love my life," I am beautiful." I am only going to see what I want to see," "Today will be a great day, " etc positive words that is geared to change how you think, feel and see yourself. In  addition, examine and ask yourself questions. When you feel embattled about an issue such as " I don't like what that person said about me." ask yourself is it worth getting upset on what a person says about you? An opinion is just what it is, a thought on what a person feels. It doesn't mean to think negative at that moment, but rather shrug it off and say it is just an opinion, it doesn't define who I am, and move forward.

Staying on course to being a positive thinker is not easy! I know because I have been a habitual negative thinker for most of my life! But, learning the tools needed to being more positive is the way to a more productive and better you. When something bad happens, don't talk about it! Don't venture in, "you wouldn't believe what just happened.." and relive the "bad" moment to invoke negative thoughts. Rather, talk about what went well about your day. Address the negative thought quickly and channel it with a positive thought to diffuse a bad feeling. Write down your goals you wish to accomplish giving you a reason to be positive to look forward to something good. I like to write down my feelings on paper negative or positive to get out what I am feeling and see where I can improve. It is a learning curve we can all master and achieve only if YOU want it to happen!

The Purpose of Forgiveness

Forgiveness, is one of the most challenging things I find most difficult to do. If someone does wrong to me, I have the tendency to hold a long-lasting grudge until I feel I am ready to forgive. The act of forgiveness in itself, proves to be a trait that displays maturity, but also shows a person knowing what the power of forgiveness brings; inner peace and deleting useless baggage. Sometimes, in our subconscious minds we do not want to forgive because we interpret what was done as the greatest "sin"  not tolerant of forgiveness. There is that ill forsaken principle we often live by, I will forgive; but never forget. Is it fair to say to a person, I will forgive you, but never forget what you done! Did you really forgive that person? If we are going to hold accountable an action that was done, (past) but chose not to forget it; (future) what do we gain from doing this? We may just bring it up in a future argument which contradicts the notion of what forgiveness truly means. We can't have the best of both worlds unfortunately, but staying true to the initial plan is key.

I fall victim to the principle and have said it on several occasions and till this day, I can't honestly say what I gain from saying or doing this. The whole point of me forgiving a person is to accept what was done, move past it and let it go. But, if I choose never to forget; I am still not accepting what was done and chose to remember it just because. How ironic! Another challenge I face is forgiving my past. In order to live in the present, the past must be forgiven. All the "bad people" that surfaced in my life and what was done and what I have done, I have to forgive myself for it. I can't take back what happened and turn back the clock, but I can say I am not that person anymore and forgive my mistakes I made making peace with my past to move forward. I sometimes get a bit bitter when I think about moments I wish I could change and find myself in "the past mode." When I am in this mode, I start to feel angry and sad that I allowed the nonsense to happen and why did I do it. If I take all the time in the world to try and examine every single variable, I will drive myself nuts! The intent is not to re-live the past and bring up these emotions. Instead, if you said you forgive, let it be that way. So, as a learning mechanism, I always say "what's done is done"and cannot be changed.It is up to you on what you choose to fix and what you want to let go.

The biggest test I present to myself is to channel in my feelings into a more positive direction and not let my feelings dictate my thoughts and throw me in for a loop! Being the bigger person and showing an act of forgiveness is always a good thing. Especially, when someone dies and you wish you had forgiven that person or vice versa; you are stuck with this underlying guilt which you drag on and on. Never take on more than you carry! Always know that if you ask for forgiveness and make right with a person(s) before they die or after; you are releasing painful emotions you want to relinquish. Forgiveness is an act gearing you towards a more positive well-being taking away a burden you felt internally; healing you from the wounds you once suffered from. Wouldn't you prefer a clear conscience and a weight lifted knowing you forgiven someone?

 It is not to say everyone is a forgiving person and will forgive. There are some heinous things that may be despicable warranting no forgiveness, but keeping that begrudging feeling does more harm to yourself than good. Despite how bad something or someone is, holding onto baggage of pain and hurt is only making you feel the need to be a victim seeking self pity. You are only a victim if someone is maliciously doing something to you that is damaging to your own well-being. If it is not damaging and you have absolute CONTROL to change what is happening, you can definitely forgive a person for what has been done. The purpose of forgiveness is wanting to bury the hatchet and no longer WISH to carry feelings that keep us from moving ahead. Remember, the act of forgiveness is a CHOICE and not an OPTION. If you want to forgive someone today, do so with a willing heart less any corrupted intentions.The journey itself may be hard at first, but through practice and understanding what forgiveness means and what it can do, your life will be much more free of the burdens you held onto for years, giving you the inner peace and tranquility you truly deserve.

"Your happiness is key to leading a productive and healthy life."