The Purpose of Forgiveness

Forgiveness, is one of the most challenging things I find most difficult to do. If someone does wrong to me, I have the tendency to hold a long-lasting grudge until I feel I am ready to forgive. The act of forgiveness in itself, proves to be a trait that displays maturity, but also shows a person knowing what the power of forgiveness brings; inner peace and deleting useless baggage. Sometimes, in our subconscious minds we do not want to forgive because we interpret what was done as the greatest "sin"  not tolerant of forgiveness. There is that ill forsaken principle we often live by, I will forgive; but never forget. Is it fair to say to a person, I will forgive you, but never forget what you done! Did you really forgive that person? If we are going to hold accountable an action that was done, (past) but chose not to forget it; (future) what do we gain from doing this? We may just bring it up in a future argument which contradicts the notion of what forgiveness truly means. We can't have the best of both worlds unfortunately, but staying true to the initial plan is key.

I fall victim to the principle and have said it on several occasions and till this day, I can't honestly say what I gain from saying or doing this. The whole point of me forgiving a person is to accept what was done, move past it and let it go. But, if I choose never to forget; I am still not accepting what was done and chose to remember it just because. How ironic! Another challenge I face is forgiving my past. In order to live in the present, the past must be forgiven. All the "bad people" that surfaced in my life and what was done and what I have done, I have to forgive myself for it. I can't take back what happened and turn back the clock, but I can say I am not that person anymore and forgive my mistakes I made making peace with my past to move forward. I sometimes get a bit bitter when I think about moments I wish I could change and find myself in "the past mode." When I am in this mode, I start to feel angry and sad that I allowed the nonsense to happen and why did I do it. If I take all the time in the world to try and examine every single variable, I will drive myself nuts! The intent is not to re-live the past and bring up these emotions. Instead, if you said you forgive, let it be that way. So, as a learning mechanism, I always say "what's done is done"and cannot be changed.It is up to you on what you choose to fix and what you want to let go.

The biggest test I present to myself is to channel in my feelings into a more positive direction and not let my feelings dictate my thoughts and throw me in for a loop! Being the bigger person and showing an act of forgiveness is always a good thing. Especially, when someone dies and you wish you had forgiven that person or vice versa; you are stuck with this underlying guilt which you drag on and on. Never take on more than you carry! Always know that if you ask for forgiveness and make right with a person(s) before they die or after; you are releasing painful emotions you want to relinquish. Forgiveness is an act gearing you towards a more positive well-being taking away a burden you felt internally; healing you from the wounds you once suffered from. Wouldn't you prefer a clear conscience and a weight lifted knowing you forgiven someone?

 It is not to say everyone is a forgiving person and will forgive. There are some heinous things that may be despicable warranting no forgiveness, but keeping that begrudging feeling does more harm to yourself than good. Despite how bad something or someone is, holding onto baggage of pain and hurt is only making you feel the need to be a victim seeking self pity. You are only a victim if someone is maliciously doing something to you that is damaging to your own well-being. If it is not damaging and you have absolute CONTROL to change what is happening, you can definitely forgive a person for what has been done. The purpose of forgiveness is wanting to bury the hatchet and no longer WISH to carry feelings that keep us from moving ahead. Remember, the act of forgiveness is a CHOICE and not an OPTION. If you want to forgive someone today, do so with a willing heart less any corrupted intentions.The journey itself may be hard at first, but through practice and understanding what forgiveness means and what it can do, your life will be much more free of the burdens you held onto for years, giving you the inner peace and tranquility you truly deserve.

"Your happiness is key to leading a productive and healthy life."